Real talk

I lost a part of me

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I scroll through my Instagram feed aimlessly, then I check the views on my last Youtube video and open up the email app, hoping for some cool collaborations. The more I click, scroll and engage the more a feeling of disappointment arises: I could be doing better. 

I could create more content. Post more frequently. Try out different platforms. It feels as if everyone else on social media is doing better than me. 

How can I get more likes, clicks and followers? I am losing myself in the crowd, drowning in the MORE MORE MORE mentality of our digital era.

The more I click scroll and engage the more a feeling of disappointment arises: I could be doing better. 

I catch myself swimming with the stream, uploading certain photos and videos, because I know they will perform well, not because I think they are necessarily good. I focus on Instagram, because that’s what people care about. I mean- who reads blogposts anymore anyway?

Throughout the last year I have lost some parts of myself, trying to please other people. Most importantly though, I have ignored the part of me that wants to write.

I crave to express myself through words, because no photo or video will ever be able to bring across ideas and emotions they way writing does.

The right words beautifully arranged in the perfect flow of sentences gives me goosebumps.

The last real blogpost (My double life) I wrote was in April 2018- more than one year ago. Since then I have stopped writing about topics I care about.

Why? Because I thought that no one cares.

In a world where entertainment has to be quick, shiny and ideally involve nudity- who would read my blogposts?

I thought spending my time doing other things would bring me more success. What are 1000 clicks on a blogpost when you can get 100.000 with an IG video?

I lost the part of me that loves to write, because I was too obsessed with caring about what I should be doing instead of what I wanted to do.

Why are we so obsessed with success? Why do we care so deeply about what everyone else thinks and so little about what we really want to say? Why don’t we do things anymore simply for the sake of doing them? Why does everything have to be tied to a productive outcome?

We are so busy creating a perfect image of ourselves instead of showing up as the person who we truly are.

The idea of failure hurts more than the idea of not being our true selves.

So here I am. It’s the 16thJune 2019 and I am writing this blogpost, telling myself that it’s ok if no one reads it. 
“Janine, all that matters is that you start writing again.”

Don’t lose that part of you.

24 comments

Joline 16. June 2019 Reply

I think you write beautifully and you should continue to do so, especially if you love it so much! Your words have inspired me for over 2 years now. I recognize myself so much in you… I am eager to see where this journey called life will take you. 🌟

    Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

    Thank you so so much for your comment. Made my day! x

Sina 16. June 2019 Reply

Wunderschöner Blogpost Liebste Janine. Danke für deine tollen Zeilen.

    Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

    Danke dir für deinen lieben Kommentar!

    Christin 16. June 2019 Reply

    Liebe es deine Worte zu lesen. Mach weiter so und ich würde mich freuen wieder mehr Blogposts von dir zu lesen.

      Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

      Danke dir! Es freut mich das zu lesen 🙂

Chanti 16. June 2019 Reply

Toll geschrieben! Ich stimme dir vollkommen zu!

Alexandra 16. June 2019 Reply

Wow, wow and wow. That’s the topic people should talk about. For me when you do something you love, and what makes your soul happy you get success because you find time for yourself to do this. Just remember self care ISN’T selfish, self love ISN’T selfish, if someone has a problem with that tell them to do something they love and chill a little bit, life is too short to waste it by doing things you don’t want (school is the only exception…Unfortunately😂) Love your blog, love your Instagram, love your style, love your photos just think you are great, lots of love xx💗

    Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

    Thank you so so much for your incredible comment!”Just remember self care ISN’T selfish, self love ISN’T selfish”- I LOVE THAT!

Kira 16. June 2019 Reply

Danke für deine Worte!
Ich würde total gerne einen Blog starten und all das, was mich inspiriert niederschreiben. Genau der gleiche Gedanke: “Blogs werden kaum noch gelesen” kommt immer wieder bei mir auf…
Aber wie du sagst, wenn man es gerne macht, sollte man es auch einfach machen!

Ana 16. June 2019 Reply

Do whatever makes your soul shine and your heart full.
Like we say in my country “de coração cheio”.

u 16. June 2019 Reply

Like wildflowers
You must allow yourself
to grow
in all the places
People though
you never would

    Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

    Love.

Anne 16. June 2019 Reply

Finally! I’ve been wondering why you didnt write blogs anymore, because I love to read them!

    Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

    That makes me so happy!

Amsoff 16. June 2019 Reply

I didn’t know that you have a blog! What a suprise! I’m really happy that you come back and you write again, because I’d rather blogs than anything else. Love you!

    Janine Jahnke 16. June 2019 Reply

    Thank you, that makes me very happy!

Martine 17. June 2019 Reply

You go girl! I love to read your blogposts 🥰

Rebecca 17. June 2019 Reply

Ich liebe deine Art zu schreiben & freu mich auf mehr davon. Das Problem mit dem sich selbst verlieren durch den Druck etc von Social Media kenn ich zu gut ☺️

Theresa 17. June 2019 Reply

Wunderschön geschrieben. Und wie bei so vielen Sachen machen wir uns den Druck selbst. Schön, dass du deine Prioritäten neu sortiert hast. 😊❤️

Gundo 17. June 2019 Reply

Im so happy 💛💛

Andy 17. June 2019 Reply

Janine I have seen your youtube from Milos today, I know nothing about you but what you wrote above is excellent. Reflecting on the fact you need to be yourself! Do what drives you! Write if that is what you love. It’s great you are so open and honest so stay this way… if you are true to your self and stay original you will get what you want!! You seem to be a very kind & passionate person and what is most important… you know what you want👏👍✌️
Keep going girl!!! Future is bright for you!
Regards from Dubai
Andy

Eva 21. August 2019 Reply

You should write way more often, cause your writting is lovely and real. Don’t need another travel guide or fashion guide – the whole social media community need some people who are talking about real stuff & you’re one of them. So please, please sit down and write more often, because I am sure it helps a lot of people to read about those topics. And even if it’s just one person – you still will have a lot of influence in that one person. Gosh I hope my message makes sense somehow. Just wanted to let you know that you should follow your lead more often and write about topics you care <3

    Janine Jahnke 6. September 2019 Reply

    I really needed to read this. Thank you.

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