It is time to get real and very personal guys. It’s been some time since my last personal blogpost and considering the fact that I am currently feeling as lost in my life as never before, I thought I would share with you what is going on.
With the superficiality that oftentimes dominates social media and the blogger world, I aim to be authentic and sharing personal struggles is part of that. Moreover, do I find that we can learn so much from other people’s experiences.
First of all, let’s recap: I moved to Cape Town last September, because whilst travelling and taking a Gap Year it was one of my absolute favorite places. The energy there felt right, the people were great and it was just an awesome place to be. When the time came and I needed to decide what and where to study I came to the conclusion: Why not study in Cape Town? Thus, in March of this year I started at the University of Cape Town and here comes the problem: I really really don’t enjoy it.
I have enrolled for a Bachelor of Arts degree, which is a rather general program (pretty similar to school). In the first year you take 4 subjects and in the end of the year you pick two subjects that you want to focus on: your majors. Subject choices range from English to Psychology over to Economics. The reason that I settled for this course was, because I never really knew what I wanted to focus on and I thought this would give me the opportunity to try out a few different things.
So why is it that I have started to hate university after only starting 3 months ago? First of all, I feel like everything in university is way too theory based and it will only help me very little later on in life. Of course, certain courses like medicine and law are essential if you want to become a doctor/lawyer. However, I personally want to work as freelancer when I am older, because I couldn’t think of anything more horrible than working in a 9 to 5 cooperate job. I highly doubt that I will ever need to know “theoretic approaches to analyzing media” or certain economic theories that are purely hypothetical, later on in life considering what I really want to do.
” I couldn’t think of anything more horrible
than working in a 9 to 5 cooperate job”
I just feel like there is absolutely no point in me learning all these theories when I would be better off, dedicating my time to other things. The other day I asked myself: Why am I even going to university? And the answer wasn’t “because I enjoy what I am studying” or “because I will need it in the job I want to do later on in life”. NO, my honest answer was: because I want to make my parents happy and I am hoping it will give me some sort of security.
Here comes the plot twist though: Nothing in life will ever gives you security. There are highly successful people without degrees and people with the best degree from the best universities who still can’t find a job. Our world is changing at a rapid rate and technology is evolving so quickly: looking at the change that has happened in the last 20 years, how are we supposed to know what our society will be like in the ones to come?
“Why am I even going to university? It is not because I enjoy what I am studying – NO, it is because I want to make my parents happy and I am hoping it will give me some sort of security”
We only have finite amount of time on this planet and we should spend it doing something that we genuinely enjoy. For some people this might be studying business or engineering, for others this could be writing songs or acting. We are all so unique and different and our school and tertiary education systems pay very little attention to that. To me it feels like most of these educational systems apply a “one fits all” approach to students.
“We only have finite amount of time on this planet and we should spend it doing something that we genuinely enjoy”
Furthermore, do I feel like I am not growing as a person, doing what I am currently doing. Whilst travelling for the last three years I have grown so incredible much and I have changed 180 degrees from who I used to be. Now it feels like I am simply putting a bucket over my head and closing my eyes towards all the change I have undergone, just to do what is “right” and favoured by society. As a university student you have to follow deadlines, obey what you are told to do and try not stray away from the norm. I personally love being independent and when I truly care about something I will put in 100% of my energy. Now, by simply doing what I am supposed to do I feel like a bird trapped in a cage.
“It feels like I am closing my eyes towards all the change I have undergone, just to do what is “right” and favoured by society.”
Please don’t get me wrong on this: studying at university is a huge privilege and I am very much aware of that. I also know that despite the fact of how I am feeling about all of this, there are lots of people out there who truly enjoy what they are doing at uni. Just because I am unhappy with what I am doing, that doesn’t mean that university is not enjoyable.
I am not sure what it is. Am I in the wrong place? Am I studying the wrong thing? Or have I headed in the completely wrong direction?
All I really know is that I am feeling as lost as I have never felt before.